Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
