you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
