Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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