laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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