It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
