I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
