Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
