I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
