When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
