her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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