he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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