I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The uberlube is also flammable
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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