How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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