I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
