i can't believe i had my finger in that
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
