I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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