I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
