Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
