I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I would fuck him just for his dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
