Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
