Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
