Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
