whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
false alarm, still single
Randomize
