I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Mom said you looked used
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
