Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
