i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
