dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
this hospital has no fireball
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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