Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
