Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
