I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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