I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
