I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
