true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
