so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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