I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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