3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
