Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
