I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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