Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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