I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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