you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
