I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
