shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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