At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
