He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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