The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
