Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
