She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
