I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
