so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
